Privileged upbringing, poor outcomes

Just like in the Philippines, family events in the New York metro area bring extended families together. And almost always gut-level conversations especially about ‘the kids’ are at the core. The writer’s wife had major back surgery. And so he was in the middle of these chats while she was unable to play her hostess role. Yet it was a gratifying experience – beyond the outpouring of well-wishes and prayers were loads of great Italian cooking: ‘We know you’re not a kitchen person and like Italians we know Filipinos would come and you have to serve food’.

‘This neighborhood is not wanting of ‘privileged upbringing, poor outcomes.’ (And the writer recalls George W. Bush, who claims to be Texan but grew up in the neighborhood; in fairness, he became president.) ‘I know my son and so I wanted him to attend private school; my husband is a product of the public school system (in the Midwest) but they all walked to school, life was simple. Discipline to me is a mandatory. Do you know that even at West Point, a friend says, that it takes a year before they could reshape American kids?’

Obviously the extended family is delighted with the way ‘the kids’ turned out but the consciousness of the abundance of risks always remains. The writer remembers his father who always counseled to fortify his values and not fall into complacency. And when the father of his son in-law (both come from Wall Street like his daughter) talked about the subject using practically the same words, he realized that parents would always be parents.

We Filipinos can’t be guilty of being less than parents to our children. Unfortunately, we continue to struggle with corruption and underdevelopment, for instance? How are we formed – by the family, the school, the church, the community? As Hillary Clinton says, ‘it takes a village’?

One of the criticisms leveled on Americans is that they are ‘too dialed up’ or in the vernacular, ‘suplado’. But beyond the US, notable in the writer’s experience dealing with successful institutions is the clarity in their purpose and value system. The writer remembers growing up hearing elders talk about ‘business is business’. He was too young to comprehend, but now realizes that it was preaching ‘sense of purpose’ and clarity in one’s value system. For example, it is universally held that inherited businesses could run aground by the third generation when values take a back seat?

The extended family and the church and the school and the community ought to pull together to educate kids to develop clarity in their value system? Arguably, we have not done a good job? There is country first before family or friends? But public service in the country is synonymous to graft and corruption, fairly or unfairly? And so the writer is delighted to read Fr. Bernas’s piece, Religion and the RH bills (Inquirer.net, Oct 25^th), because it effectively talks about country first? “The President is not defying Catholic teaching because Catholic teaching, for a pluralist society, requires that government interpret the common good of the country not only according to the guidelines of whatever religion may be the majority, but also according to the effective good of all the members of the community, including those belonging to minority religions. For that reason it is good that the President has invited other religions to the dialogue . . . We who have not experienced massive religious persecution must learn from the lessons of history.” As a resident of ‘Terry Schiavo (and Scott Roeder) country’, the writer can relate to the admonition.

We have a gigantic challenge: Can we do a self-critique of our value system? Until we recognize that our assets are discounted by our liabilities, we would always assume that to be critical is to be unpatriotic – and which explains why we seem unable to dig out of the pits?